I had a snarky zinger to open this review, but it leans a bit heavily into spoilers and, no matter how worthless I think a book is (spoilers for my opinion), I just can't bring myself to put spoilers of that level above a cut without warning. So now you've been warned. I'm a bit looser than usual with spoilers in this review, but I do my best to make up for that with a thorough roasting.